


Tundra of Love

by BananaRaptor



Series: Spacemarried: A Sexy Odyssey [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Trek, Star Wars Original Trilogy, The Sentinel
Genre: America, Anal Sex, Canada, Drama, Homophobia, Horror, M/M, Multi, Romance, Sex Pollen, Sexy, Spooky, TW:Urethra, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-30 20:54:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananaRaptor/pseuds/BananaRaptor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darth Vader comes to visit Spock and Dobby, not knowing that a surprise is in store for him...</p><p> </p><p>... a SEXY surprise!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tundra of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Extra spoopy for halloween :)

The space ship bay on the starship Enterprise was dark and deserted, aside from Spock and Dobby. Both because things had been very busy lately, and there had barely been any sexy space aliens passing through to screw captain Kirk, and also because it was in the middle of the night. 

They were waiting for their lover Darth Vader to come, like he’d called them up and excitedly told them he would two weeks ago. He’d gotten some time off from being a sith lord and even though Spock and Dobby had to work a lot as awesome space rangers, they’d said yes because they missed him very much. Sadly, due to the time difference between space and the death star he’d be arriving in the middle of the night. 

“This is gonna be so great!” Spock said, hugging Dobby close.

“Yes!” Dobby squeaked, “Dobby is looking forward to see Darth so much! And he’ll love our surprise, Dobby is sure!”

“Yes but remember we have to keep it secret until we can…” Spock looked up, seeing Darth Vaders x-wing come in the space port, “Shh, there he is!” 

As soon as the x-wing landed, Darth Vader rushed out to hug them. Spock and Dobby hugged him back and immedeatly hauled him off to their bedroom on the spaceship to have him to themselves. Also a robot got the luggage, but that’s a lot less sexy to hear about. 

Once they were there, Spock wasted no time in kissing Vader, sliding his hands across the sith lords buttocks, and kneading them. Dobby slipped a hand into Darth Vader’s suit, jacking off his manrod. Darth Vader moaned and grasped Spock’s shoulders. 

Spock laid down on the bed spreadin his pert cheeks and let Darth Vader penetrate his rosebud of love. Dobby moved up behind them, slipping his houseelfhood into Darth Vader’s bumhole, thrusting vigorously. They all moaned, AAAAOOOOOAHPHRTYJJHGVH!

Dobby touched Darth Vader’s nipples, twisting them and teasing him. Darth Vader fumbled to grab Spocks vulcanhood, pumping it in his hand. With a shout Spock came, spraying cum everywhere and reflexively flexing his buttmuscles, making Darth Vader come with a shout and flexing his butt, which in turn made Dobby cum. 

 

They flopped onto the sheets, breathing heavily. More than usual for Vader, anyway, and looked to each other. 

“Dobby is sad him and Spock has to work so we can’t just fuck all week.”

“Logical statement!” Spock gasped.

“It’s okay,” Vader said, hugging them close, “I said I’d go with you on your space ranger missions, and we can probably catch a quickie in between. It’ll be fun.”

*

The next morning they went out to planet earth, to be awesome space rangers. 

“we need to find two secret space agents here, named Jim and Blair?.” Said Spock.

“Secret agents?” Vader asked.

“Yes,” Dobby squeaked, “agents that are secret. They help keep all this space business secret from the people on earth so they don’t find out about it! It’s really neat!”

“… But why do you need that?” 

“Well,” Spock explained, “Earth is the place where e-mail spam and Family Guy was invented, and basically we don’t want that crap to spread, but we still need to do space ranger thing on earth because, among other things, it’s the only place in the entire galaxy where you can actually grow nutmeg, so logically enough, we just have some guys keep it hidden.” 

“So that’s where nutmeg comes from!” Vader gasped. He’d used plenty of nutmeg to make his spaceships more fuel efficient, reduce the greenhouse effect on a number of imperial colonies, warded off space vampires, and even put it in his coffee once, but he’d never really thought of where it came from. 

“We’re here!” Dobby squeaked suddenly, pointing to the frozen wasteland now outside their spaceship, “Canada! The frozen moose-ridden tundra of the world where few humans dare go! Also the place where Dobby met Spock and ditched his wizard obligations.” 

“Good riddance!” Spock laughed.

As Dobby tenderly took Spock’s hand in his small bony one, and looked deep into his eyes, Darth Vader couldn’t help but feel a little bit left out. Especially since a sith was basically a space wizard. He quickly pushed the feeling away, and got up to get his scarf. Spock and Dobby both loved him, he shouldn’t be jealous. 

*

The Canadian wilderness was treacherous and cold, filled with wild mooses and rampaging ice hockey players. But the detectives had insisted on meeting there, as opposed to in the united states where they usually worked, as they were worried about the space ship getting spotted and shot down by a gun nut. 

Spock and Dobby beamed down alone, leaving Darth Vader in the space ship, because he wasn’t actually a space ranger and didn’t have the clearance. It didn’t really help Darth Vader feel less left out, but he watched some TV and then it was okay again. 

Down on earth, Spock and Dobby met the secret space agents, Jim and Blair in one of the rickety shacks dotting the inhospitable wasteland. 

“Okay, what’s going on?” Dobby Squeaked. 

“Something very evil!” Jim said. Agent Blair who was standing next to him grabbed his hand nervousely and continued:

“Very evil and dark! But we aren’t even sure what it is!”

“Just that it’s eeevil!” 

“But what’s it doing?” Spock asked, “Surely there’s a reason you called us all the way down from space.” 

Agents Jim and Blair looked at each other briefly before speaking. 

“Well, we’ve been finding mutilated ice hockey players in the wild… and it wasn’t hockey related injuries either, something ate them! Hockey players are apex predators and have no natural enemies!” 

“They shouldn’t even be fighting with each other right now, it isn’t mating season!” Blair added. 

Spock gasped, grabbing for Dobby and Darth Vader’s hands. Darth Vader looked around the room, annoyedly. 

“And last night something snuck into an ABBA cover band concert, and TOOK A GIANT DUMP ON THE STAGE!” 

“And kicked a puppy!” Blair added again, “And because of this we know that whoever did this must have been EEEEEVIL!”

“SUPER DUPER MEGA EEEEEVIL!” Jim added. 

 

Before Spock or Dobby could reply Darth Vader interrupted them angrily, “Right I have had enough! I am a sith lord and that is a perfectly legitimate life choice! Just because I’m evil doesn’t mean I can’t like ABBA, and it’s really offensive and shaming that you’re saying all of that!”

Spock hugged Darth Vader. Dobby turned to Jim and Blair who were now very sorry for having hurt Darth Vaders feelings. 

“He’s right! You shouldn’t be immideatly singling out evil for mutilating wildlife and ruining music! That’s a hate crime!” 

“Sorry Darth Vader, we didn’t mean to evil-shame you.” Jim and Blair said. Darth Vader even accepted the apology even thought his feelings were still a little hurt. 

After that they all agreed that they’d better come back in the morning and make a plan for catching whatever was doing all the bad things. 

*

The next morning, Darth Vader refused to return to earth.

“I’m just not comfortable with all that evil-shaming that happened yesterday.” He explained. 

“We know,” squeaked Dobby, “But we need to get this solved.” 

“How about this,” Spock said, “We beam down and fix this and you stay and relax on the starship Voyager?” 

“Okay,” Darth Vader said grudgingly, “I really want to spend time with you two though.”

“We’ll fuck a whole lot tonight!” Spock rumbled sexily.

And with that, they beamed down to earth. Darth Vader sighed. He was feeling pretty left out right now. He supposed he could get some knitting done though. 

*

Later that day Darth Vader was feeling even more left out and bored, and he was tired of knitting. So he decided to look at the stars through the window. 

No sooner had he found a good spot to stand in and sighed heavily, than he heard someone walk up behind him, skankily. 

“Hi Uhura” He said politely.

“Awwwww Darth Vader, what’s wrong? Are your boyfriends gone and your butthole lonely?” 

“They’re just down on earth, I didn’t want to come with them. The guys they were meeting evil-shamed me.” 

“Really?” Uhura said, as the SKANKY HOE she was, “I think they left because they don’t care about you at all! Also because you’re getting fat!” 

“They do so! I am not!” Darth Vader replied. 

“Are you sure?” Uhura said, before walking off skankily. 

*

Down on earth, Spock and Dobby had again met with Jim and Blair. 

“…So we know it’s been moving somewhere along the Canadian border.” Jim concluded, pointing at the map he had been drawing on to show Spock and Dobby what they knew about whatever it was they were chasing. 

“We think it’s moving towards the space port, here!” Blair said, pointing to a dot close to the border, into America, “If we go chasing after it, we might be able to catch it, and stop it before it reaches the port and escapes!” 

Spock gasped. 

“But from that space port it could get onto the Enterprise!” Dobby squeaked, “Darth Vader is on there, we have to stop it!” 

And so they trekked out into the wilderness, running over the snow in those silly tennis racket shoes you always see people wearing in snow on tv. Jim and Blair were more experienced in the snow, and took the lead, fending off a bunch of mooses and ice hockey players and in a particularly hilarious incident a feral Mountie, but that isn’t what this story’s about so fuck that!

Eventually, late in the evening, they had to face that they weren’t going to catch that thing this way. 

Spock leaned on his knees, panting from exhaustion. “Guys, I don’t think this is working. Try again tomorrow?”

Blair nodded. “At least we got to see the aurora borealis! That’s pretty neat!” 

And as Spock and Dobby watched the beautiful twirling colors in the sky, Dobby took Spock’s hand and squeaked quietly, “Spock? Dobby’s been thinking. Remember that surprise we had for Darth Vader?”

“Yes,” Spock answered, “But I thought you wanted to wait a bit?” 

“No, after today when Dobby almost thought he would lose Darth Vader, Dobby realized he can’t imagine life without Spock and Darth Vader in it.”

“Oh Dobby! “ Spock said hugging his tiny lover. 

“OH MY FUCKING SHITCAKES!” Jim suddenly hollered. He’d gone to pee in the bushes earlier, but was from the loudness of his voice, still nearby. 

“…Jim did your piss freeze to your wiener again?” Blair asked, “Just pee some more and the icicle’s gonna come loose.” 

“NO BLAIR HOLY SHIT SHUT UP THERE’S A BUNCH OF MUTILATED ICE HOCKEY PLAYERS IN HERE!” 

They all ran to him, only to find that he’d been lying. He DID have a peecicle sticking out of his dong. The mutilated ice hockey players were there too, though. 

“Oh my god!” Blair said, walking over to the nearest corpse. “The way this blood is frozen – it was here three hours ago! The last time we found it’s track, it was only two and a half hour ahead of us! We’re losing it!” 

Spock looked at his space watch with built in videoscreen and GPS. “Okay, we can’t catch it like this! But if we go to the space port tomorrow, and walk towards the border, we can cut it off.”

“Sounds like a plan!” Jim said, “I need to get my dick de-cicled anyhow.” 

“Just before you leave, Dobby wants to ask, can you buy jewelry at the space port?” Dobby asked, as they trudged back towards the cabin. 

“Sure, why do you ask?” Blair asked, hand on Jim’s dick to warm it up.

“We need to get an engagement ring for Darth Vader” Spock said. 

Blair suddenly brightened up, momentarily taking his hand off Jim’s cock to trhow it in the air and yell:

“WOO BACHELOR PARTY! C’MON SPOCK AND DOBBY WE TOTALLY HAVE BOOZE BACK AT THE SHACK!” 

Spock and Dobby looked at each other briefly, then Dobby turned to Blair and squeaked:

“Sorry, Spock and Dobby need to get home. It’s almost one in the morning and Darth Vader must be worried. And we’re tired.”

“Aww, c’moooon, we have sex pollen there!” Blair whined, “We’ll have a foursome, it’ll be awesome!”

“No thanks, Blair, we only want to have sex with each other and Darth Vader.” Spock said, “and isn’t agent Jim allergic? It says so in his file.”

“Yeah, but I have my inhaler, so it’ll be fine. Either way, Blair put your hand back on my cock so that icicle can fall out. My urethra is very cold.” 

“Oh sorry.” Blair said and put his hand on Jim’s cock, “Okay then Spock and Dobby, we’ll meet you at the space port tomorrow morning. Remember it’s in America so wear something with a crying eagle or a cowboy hat or whatever or they might shoot you!” 

*

When Spock and Dobby returned to the starship fischerprice, Darth Vader was still up. He rushed over to them huggin them both.

“I was so worried! I thought you’d gotten hurt and Uhura…” 

“Darth Vader, we love you very much but right now we’d like to get some sleep.” Spock said, “I know we said we’d fuck, but we’ve been chasing scary stuff in the woods all day and we’re so tired.” 

“And Uhura is a skany hoe, don’t listen to her.” Dobby squeaked. 

“Okay then,” Darth Vader said, only hesitating a little, “Let’s go to bed.” 

*

The next morning Spock and Dobby went to the space port. Darth Vader once again stayed back on the starship Enterprice. Still tired from the night before, they didn’t see the single crystalline tear sliding down Darth Vader’s mask. 

Spock had opted for a gigantic cowboy hat and a shirt with the confederate flag, whereas Dobby had somehow managed to get a belt buckle shaped like a crying bald eagle. The locals suspected nothing. 

Soon they’d bought the prettiest ring they could find, and went to meet up with Jim and Blair. Jim was also dressed in a cowboy hat, though his was dyed like the American flag, and Blair had opted for a fatsuit and a trucker hat. 

The walk to the border was harsh. As they approached Canada, the prairies dotted with cattle and pickup trucks were replaced by snow and pine. It was kind of dull really, but that just made it all the more terrifying to hear the first rustle of something in the bushes next to the dirt road. 

It was quiet at first, rustling close to where Jim was walking, then around Spock. It kept circling the four of them, but they couldn’t quite get a good look at it. Just that it was big. Very big. 

Suddenly it darted across the road, ahead of them. Jim bravely ran up to where they’d seen it, pistol ready to fire, when suddenly, a branch swung out and hit him in the chest. Evidently, the creature had been holding onto it, waiting for him. 

Jim immediately cried out, flushing red and convulsed on the ground. 

“The sex pollen!” he choked out, “It was in my jacket, it must have ruptured! Allergic!” 

Spock ran up, standing over the fallen agent, “Why did you bring that? That’s a liability in a situation like this! Use logic man!” 

Blair and Dobby quickly caught up, the former saying, “We were gonna have victory sex after we found the thing. Grab your inhaler Jim!” 

Jim grasped for his inhaler but couldn’t find it, “Not here!” he gasped, “Had it a moment ago!” 

It was then panic really hit Blair and he started babbeling

“ohnononononono what are we gonna do you can’t die we need medicine!” 

“Move aside!” Dobby squeaked, “Dobby will use his magical healing cock to stabilize Jim until someone can get a new inhaler for him!” 

“But Dobby, what about Darth Vader?” said Blair.

“He’ll understand, this is an emergency!” Spock said, pulling Jim’s pants off, revealing his taut lily white buttocks. 

Dobby spit in his hand, putting a finger up Jim’s chocolate starfish, while he used the other hand to get more spit on his turgid houseelfhood. 

As quickly as he could without hurting either of them, he shoved himself balls deep in agent Jim, who immideatly started breathing more steadily. As steadily as he could with that hot of a cock up his butt, anyway.

“Thanks Dobby, you saved my life.” He gasped. 

*

Back on the starship enterprice Darth Vader was staring out the window again. He didn’t want to believe Uhura, but he was feeling really left out and sad, and it was kind of hard with her right beside him, telling him again that Spock and Dobby didn’t love him. 

“They’ll fuck anyone, they’re not even faithful to you! I’ll be they’re fucking everyone on earth right now. “ She said skankily. 

“They are not! And I’ll go down there and see for myself, and take a picture of how they’re not and then you can see SO THERE!” Darth Vader finally exploded. 

And then he stomped off and got beamed down to earth. 

It didn’t take him long to catch up with them, seeing as he was only beamed down a couple of meters away from them, but when he saw them, he wished he’d been beamed right back into that lava he’d fallen in and lost his legs.

There was Dobby, balls deep in agent Jim, and Spock looking on. And it smelled like they’d been using sex pollen to boot! 

“This isn’t what it looks like!” Spock cried out, but Darth Vader had already turned and left, so they wouldn’t see him cry. He wandered through the forest, single crystalline tears of manliness and hurt slid down his mask. There might not have been a lot, but considering how hard it was to cry through his mask it was a lot. How could he have been so stupid? Believeing he could be loved! 

No sooner had Darth Vader left than Spock had tried to run after him. Though he didn’t get far beforehe was knocked on his arse by a the huge creature stepping out of the bushes. 

There was their creature, there was the thing that mutilated ice hockey players , and it was staring right at them, chuckling to itself. 

“You!” Dobby sqeaked.

“I pissed myself from the sheer illogicness of this turn of event and also terror!” Spock said.

“I’m the one who stole the inhaler fools! And now I’ll kill you all!” the creature roared.

“It can’t be you!” Dobby squeaked.

But it was. The gay bashing dragon had returned! 

*

Darth Vader turned around as soon as he heard his lovers’ screams. He may have been very hurt and sad, but he still loved them and couldn’t leave them like that! Silently he wiped the tears from his mask, and took out his lightsaber.   
He ran as fast as he could, jumping out at the attacker, only to find that it was the gay bashing dragon that had abused him on the planet Weyr. 

“I HATE FAGGOTS!” the dragon yelled, slashing wildly at the sith lord with its claws, “I ESPECIALLY HATE ONES THAT BREAK UP WITH ME!” 

“Go away and leave them alone you gigantic festering butthole!” Darth Vader said, parrying off a claw with his light saber. 

“YOU ARE THE GAYEST AND THEREFORE THE WORST! I HATE YOU DARTH VADER AND I HOPE YOU DIE FROM A BUTTSEX RELATED INJURY ALONG WITH THE OTHER FAGGOT FAGGY FAG FAGS YOU SLEEP WITH!” 

“FUCK YOU! YOU’RE A BUTTSEX RELATED INJURY!”

“YOUR MOM IS A BUTTSEX RELATED INJURY!”

“YEAH WELL, YOUR FACE IS A BUTTSEX RELATED INJURY!” 

The dragon gasped. Never before had it felt such a burn of stinging wit. Luckily, this left it wide open and Darth Vader jumped in, heroically slicing the dragon’s dick off with his lightsaber. 

The dragon roared, lashing out again, but Darth Vader shot some lightning at it from his hand, and it fled crying to itself over how badly it had been schooled. 

Darth Vader retracted his lightsaber, panting heavily after the fight. 

“That was amazing Darth Vader!” Dobby squeaked.

“Thanks for saving us!” Spock added, “Now please listen to us, Dobby had to screw agent jim or he’d die! The dragon stole his inhaler and he’s having an allergic reaction to some sex pollen he had in his pocket.” 

“Really?” Darth Vader said, wanting so badly to believe them, “But I thought you didn’t want to spend time with me and were keeping secrets!” 

“We kind of were,” Dobby squeaked, “Darth Vader, Dobby and Spock love you very much and…” 

“And will you marry us?” Spock finished. Sheepishly he fished out the ring they’d bought from his pocket, “We were actually out getting this for you.” 

Darth Vader stared at them, his lightsaber slipping from his hand and hitting the dirt road with a thunk.

“Dobby kind of wishes we could have done this when Dobby’s penis wasn’t in someone’s butthole,” Dobby said, “Or Spock hadn’t peed his pants.” 

Darth Vader suddenly rushed forward sweeping them both up into a hug. 

“Yes! Yes I’ll marry you! I love you!” 

Down on the ground, Jim grasped Blair’s hand. Dobby’s penis had gotten dislodged from his asshole during the hug. 

“Blair?” He said, “Blair, I’m not choking, but it feels like there’s nothing in my bum!”

“My god, Jim, you’re cured! Dobby cured your allergy! This is amazing!” 

“That’s fantastic!” Spock said, “Then you can come to the wedding, and have all the sex pollen you want!” 

And Darth Vader cried a manly crystalline tear, but not a sad one.


End file.
